Stopped In My Tracks, It's A New World

I live and breathe sports. My television career started in the sports department. I've covered five different Olympics.

Leroy and I were hooked on watching the Beijing Games. In fact, his oncologist was over for the Opening Ceremonies and we had fish tacos and key lime pie and had a great time. Leroy's appetite was still good and he really enjoyed himself.

We watched a lot of the events day and night and then he died.

And it's all changed. I haven't even turned on the TV. In fact, most of the things I'd squeeze into the day while Leroy was alive, I haven't done. The desire just isn't there.

33 months and 7 days of cramming as much life into each day as possible and now I'm stopped in my tracks.

It's a whole new world.

--Laurie

7:00 AM ET | 08-21-2008 | permalink | comments (155) | e-mail post

The Scars Of Cancer

I call them the scars of cancer. When you're in the fight, they serve a purpose. Bed pads, commodes, walkers, all the things that are supposed to make life a little easier for the cancer patient.

But when they are no longer needed, they are ugly scars, unwanted reminders of the battle you've fought and lost.

I look around the house now and can match up the equipment to the timeline of Leroy's struggle ... a painful calendar of objects.

I think tomorrow, it's time to clean house.

-- Laurie Singer

7:00 AM ET | 08-20-2008 | permalink | comments (256) | e-mail post

Keep Lifting... Just A Little Longer

To you all....

Many months ago, when Leroy was spending time in the hospital, I had written in the blog how we should all count to three and LIFT. Leroy needed that help then, and who better to "lift" than all of you.

Now, it's my turn to ask that you count to three again and LIFT ... but this time, it's me who needs the support.

I've read your messages filled with so much compassion and love, and I can tell you they help so much. Could you keep "lifting" me just a little longer ... please?

-- Laurie Singer

7:00 AM ET | 08-19-2008 | permalink | comments (661) | e-mail post

Memorial Fund

Hi All,

Laurie sent us this information regarding Leroy's memorial fund:

Leroy Sievers Memorial Fund
Johns Hopkins Kimmel Cancer Center
Patient and Family Services
100 N. Charles Street
Suite 234
Baltimore, Maryland 21201

12:52 PM ET | 08-18-2008 | permalink | comments (46) | e-mail post

An Update

Laurie asked us to tell you how touched she was by the incredible comments and messages of sympathy this weekend, and how grateful she is. She was overwhelmed by them. She will write a post herself soon, but is not ready to do it yet.

-- Maeve McGoran

7:10 AM ET | 08-18-2008 | permalink | comments (201) | e-mail post

Leroy

On the eve of the Iraq war in 2003, Leroy prepares to leave for his embed joined by Alex and Francie Bruckner.

photo credit: NPR

Dear friends:

I'm so sorry to bring you this news. Leroy passed away last night. It happened very quickly.

You will hear from Laurie later. In the meantime, please let me tell you something all of you already know, how much this blog and all your comments have meant to Leroy. He felt all the affection and good wishes and strength you sent him every day. He told us that of the many things he had accomplished, he was proudest of My Cancer. The connection he felt with all of you made such a difference in his life.

I feel so privileged to have had a chance to work with Leroy and call him a friend. All of us here do. We will miss him so much, just as you will.

If you'd like to, please leave your thoughts, remembrances, anything you want to write here. I know Laurie will read them. I know you will keep her and Leroy in your thoughts and prayers today.

--Maeve McGoran

7:59 AM ET | 08-16-2008 | permalink | comments (1258) | e-mail post

The Growl Of A Predator

Laurie Singer sent us this post. Leroy is planning to be back next week.

On any normal day, this would just be a really bad thunderstorm rumbling its way across the summer sky.

But it's not a normal day and the rumbling is more like the growl of a predator stalking its prey.

Leroy's cancer is making its move.

I guess we all knew this day would come. The day when his doctor would say the medicine needs to be stronger.

The day when I would need to be stronger still.

The thunderstorm has passed, but I can still hear the growl.

-- Laurie

7:00 AM ET | 08-15-2008 | permalink | comments (177) | e-mail post

The Dog We Never Had

He is the dog we never had.

He's a Bernese Mountain dog. A big one. We always knew what his name was going to be ..."Spanky" ... no matter what.

The fact that he would be a toy didn't really bother us. We couldn't have a real one because we both traveled too much.

So here he is, sitting with me on the bed. My comrade in cancer.

A boy and his dog.

7:00 AM ET | 08-14-2008 | permalink | comments (107) | e-mail post

The Hope Of The Games

We watch, we hope, we wait, along with everyone else, glued to the games in Beijing.

It's these games that give us hope, too. It's these little bits of normalcy that let us think that there's hope for all of us.

For a few minutes, here and there, we're not cancer patients. We're spectators, rooting for our athletes.

I almost forgot how much fun that can be.

7:15 AM ET | 08-13-2008 | permalink | comments (64) | e-mail post

A Decision Made

Well, we finally made a decision.

We went back and forth for a while, but in the end, we signed up with Hospice.

This wasn't easy for either one of us.

For me, it means they manage what remains of my life.

For Laurie, it means allowing others to manage what remains of my life. Something she is very uncomfortable with.

We can always change our minds, but once this decision is made, that becomes harder.

Like it or not, we're in this together now.

7:00 AM ET | 08-12-2008 | permalink | comments (192) | e-mail post